The ultimate pursuit

In two years time to this day + 8 days I marry the man of my dreams who I have grown comfortable with over the last three years and who’s children I am desperate to have!  I want to run along the beach with my kids without my tankini rolling up and down… I want to play football with the potential boy child and not get exhausted, I want to be able to kneel down and have tea parties with a potential girl child without my fat knees and thighs getting sore…

… and here I sit so comfortable in my relationship that I am in my PJs because there is no better feeling than taking the bra off that fits a bit too snug these days when I get in from work – it brings me so much joy and freedom for my G cups to just drop and relax! … this is the same bra that I walked in to Bravissimo and bought not that long ago because, and as I proudly announced, I needed refit for a smaller size!  I had dropped from a double G to just a G – couldn’t have been prouder and here I am spending each day desperate to get the thing off!… I also whinge a lot in work that my uniform is not fit for purpose and the sizing is unfair but I know fine well I fit in to it once upon a time and it is not the uniform that has shrunk!…

This has been the story of my life since I was 18 and came out of a relationship with a fairly nasty piece of work … a mixture of living with his parents back then who didn’t eat anything unless it came battered out of their deep fat fryer and him turning in to the most horrible memory in my life… I left him and in a downwards spiral I ate and I drank to drown out horrible memories… I never related the two but having read so many similar stories from women suffering post traumatic stress disorder I can now see the link that took over my health… it also probably didn’t help that after coming out of the relationship, I moved to the Grassmarket of Edinburgh, lived a half-minute walk from around 20 pubs and finished most nights holding one of them up while my Chinese was being made across the road!

…. but I dealt with that, and I found a man who understands me inside out and shares my love of food and lazy days on the couch watching weird American TV documentaries and funny movies!  This has caused me to lose a stone and put on a stone more than a couple of times over the last three years… I joined Slimming World, I lost a stone, the Slimming World diet highlighted problems with my bladder which led to an operation – gave up Slimming World, put a stone back on!  The tests before the operation led to me being told I had a fatty liver and had to lose weight… I did my research and took on a diet that a diabetes doctor would be proud of… I walked everywhere and took up regular home Zumba… I lost a stone… the winter came… I joined the gym to take over walking, I hated the gym, I enjoyed plentiful Christmas food for far longer than I should have… I gained a stone and it has been creeping on ever since!

I am now at a stage where I feel like if I don’t tell anyone about my weight loss problems I can pretend they are not a problem and so a blog where I must be true to myself and to you seemed to make sense to me.  I always enjoyed journalling as a teenager except this time I’m not hiding it under the bed with the biscuits that I used to steal out of the bag my Mum brought home from Patersons Biscuits!  This blog will be full of me and my day to day life along with some of my favourite recipes and progress along the way!

Every Wednesday I will be posting up a photo of my weight on the scales as public proof of my hopeful weekly progress, I will also post up regular photos of myself along the way in the hope that you and I will see a difference!  My hope is to keep it fun and honest!

Thanks for reading my first post! 🙂